Ahh, Christmas! Amazing and awe-inspiring to think that 2,000 years later we’re still celebrating “the newborn king,” as a familiar hymn goes.
And on a personal note, we’re celebrating the news that a little baby girl will be joining us soon … next spring, to be exact …
I know I’ve blogged before about well-meaning family and friends waiting for us to expand our family. We didn’t feel quite ready for such an adventure just yet. And I’m grateful that we waited, building and strengthening our couple relationship first, before taking this next step.
Recently some dear friends gave us this book, “Your spouse isn’t the person you married” by Teri and Paul Reisser, which I highly recommend. One of the biggest takeaways is their concept that each marriage is a new civilization – “You cannot assume [your] marriage will run the way it did in the civilization from which you came. Instead, you need to construct an entirely new civilization. …
“Think of it as the United States of ___ and ___ (insert your names). You may have had – and may still have – the strongest bonds of love and loyalty to your family of origin, but when you marry you must understand that you are now the citizen of a new country, a new civilization. This new entity should have its own unique charter, constitution, bylaws, rules and regs, and manners and customs that define the way you, this one-of-a-kind married couple, do things. The more clearly defined this entity becomes, the better equipped it will be to deal with the stuff of life and cope with change, whether good or bad, major or minuscule.”
What a neat concept! And how true of multicultural marriages, which often do cross real civilizations and cultural boundaries.
Another highlight of the book (that I found personally vindicating) is that these authors recommend trying to avoid getting pregnant during the first year of marriage.
“Don’t get us wrong here: Children are a wondrous blessing, and we absolutely abhor the idea of ending any pregnancy, no matter when it occurs. But if you can delay your first pregnancy for a year, you’ll be less distracted as you create your new civilization.”
No kidding! When I hear new parents talk about waking up every 2-3 hours during the night, I know we have a lot of adventures ahead of us, hehe. 😉
The first few years of our multicultural marriage were very much that – creating our own civilization, even though I probably wouldn’t have had the words to put it like that even a few months ago.
The first few months of our marriage were like two mighty rivers smacking up against each other, froth and foam flying in all directions, as we adjusted to different schedules, routines, lifestyles, families, philosophies.
Now, at least more so than before, we are flowing to the same current. And thankful for every minute of it.
Sounds like the perfect time to add another glorious upheaval to our lives, eh? 😀
Merry Christmas, everyone!